February 2014 AW Blog Chain

February 2014 Absolute Write Blog Chain

This month’s prompt:
Characters Writing About Authors

ETA: I’d like to apologize to everyone before you read the post. She has a tendency to swear too much and I promised her I wouldn’t change anything, just put a little warning at the beginning. So you’re warned, foul language ahead. ♥ Me

Oh look, here we go. She’s finally opened the laptop today, that’s a good sign….

She’s opening up the documents file…

SCORE! She opened me today!! It’s about damn time. Let’s see if something comes of it this time…

By the way, my name is Arryn…well hang on, I have to double-check…ok, yep it’s still Arryn. I suppose that may change, because with this bitch, you never know.  She tries it again and I will be forced to set some of her shit on fire or maybe give her a grotesque head for a few days. I have just the spell for that….um, anyway. Where was I? Ah–yes– our names. I do believe my twin brother has had three or four names since she first brought us to life. It’s ridiculous. If she would’ve asked me, I woulda told her dumb ass his name is Aidan. Then she wouldn’t have wasted all that time.  Oh well, can’t change it now.

I don’t want to sound like an ungrateful douche or anything, because don’t get me wrong, I love this woman as much as she loves me; without her, I wouldn’t be here. Only, I have this tiny problem I’m having with her lately. I’m so tired of sitting on my ass while she either ignores me or, even worse, writes about me and then deletes it all. Like I’m some random story to her or something. Um HELLO, this is my FUCKING LIFE we’re talking about. I have feelings you know. I don’t like being ignored!

Just look at her right now. I can practically see the steam coming off her head she’s concentrating so hard. The page is mostly blank…still. Sometimes I know what she’s thinking. Sometimes we even talk to each other. But there are times when I have no clue what the hell is going on in her head. For two weeks she had me in the weirdest position ever. Seriously, I was in the middle of a fight, frozen solid mid-move, and for what? Who the fuck knows?

She shoulda pulled her head out of her ass and realized that, oh hey, this particular fight is rather pointless and does nothing but distract me from the bigger problem. This isn’t the time for a fight, but what the hell do I know? I’m just the puppet on the strings. She’s lucky I have no control over her outside of the writing. I wanna make her slap the shit out of herself sometimes.

In truth, she really shouldn’t be trying to write my story herself. All she ever does is fuck it up when she does. Dumb as hell. She screws things up, then eventually allows me to take over when she realizes how idiotic she’s being. Proof that once in a while she tries to learn! My only hope is that I don’t get sent over to the Dark Room. You know where I’m talking about? The place where the old stories go that just don’t interest her anymore…or as she likes to put it, the ones that “don’t speak to her anymore”. What a load of shit. I think they still speak to her, she just forgot how to listen. Actually, I hope she tries that shit with me. I welcome the chance to set the bitch straight.

When she gets in one of her “moods”, (incidentally I can see douchebag written all over her face right now), she has a tendency to, shall we say, swear like a sailor. And she calls me a foul-mouthed miscreant? (Seriously, I heard her say it to someone one day while she was working on me. The nerve of this bitch!) Right, I wonder where I get it from? Pot, kettle. We’re so much alike in so many ways and I don’t think she understands that sometimes. Though, how the hell she can miss it is beyond me. Not very observant, this one.

I’ve spoken to some of the others about her. What else is there to do when she has four or five of us open, yet does nothing but sit there waffling on EVERY. DAMN. WORD. she writes? Anywho, about our Beloved Oracle, (that’s what we call her), we have different views. Yes, she drives me nuts sometimes, but I do love her. Previous insults aside, she is my maker. For that alone I will always love her…even if I do end up in the Dark Room.

There are those that don’t care for her at all. They’ve called her every name in the book….except one, that I can’t even put in here ‘cus I don’t want her to see it. (See? Told you I love her.) These others have their reasons. One of them thinks that our Beloved Oracle is not listening to her, that she’s just writing the story on her own. Let’s see, there are some that are pissed because she’s put them in the Dark Room. They don’t always come out of there.

I can’t forget about the ones that won’t talk to me. In my oh so humble opinion, they’re just pissed because she doesn’t focus on them like she used to. They’re petty and jealous. A cranky douche at times I may be, but I go out of my way to get to know the others and make them feel comfortable. My favorite is one of her Erotica characters. Jezelle and I go way back. She’s cool as hell. Anyway, as I was saying, we’re all in this together…at least we’re supposed to be. You know what I say to those asshats? Fuck off and get over it! If she wants to tell your story, she will. For all any of us know, I’ll be in the Dark Room next.

OH! Gotta go, she’s ready for me!


February 2014 Participants:
orion_mk3 – http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com (link to post)
Sneaky Devil (‘Tis me) – https://fantasywriterwannabe.wordpress.com/ (‘Tis where you are)
Anarchic Q – http://anarchicq.com/ (link to post)
Sixpence – http://orlawritesthings.com/ (link to post)
pyrosama – http://matrix-hole.blogspot.com/ (link to post)
Angyl78 – http://jelyzabeth.wordpress.com/ (link to post)
meowzbark – http://www.lizzylessard.com/ (link to post)
MsLaylaCakes – http://www.taraquan.com/ (link to post)
SamanthaLehane – http://samanthalehane.blogspot.com/ (link to post)

ETA: Links updated!


14 thoughts on “February 2014 AW Blog Chain

  1. Oh, I LIKE You! Clearly you’re smarter than me but I won’t embarrass myself with using big words trying to impress you. Drinks sometime?
    -Drow Konran, president of the Q chapter of the “My writer is fucking insane club”


    • *eyes Drow skeptically* I read your post. *lights a cigarette* I’m not sure, maybe we can have a drink sometime. Depends on if this bitch ever lets me go on a date. Highly doubtful…

      If I have to though, I can sneak away. I’ve done it before. There was this one time–

      Wait, I can’t tell you about that. I promised her I would keep it “toned down”. I would say have your people call my people, but I think we both know how that would end up. I’ll find you when I get away.

      Until then, keep it crazy. (And FWIW, thanks for not trying to impress me. Score one point for you!)



  2. Hey Arryn, this is Cuss.

    I got your message and I surely would like to hang out with you some time, if you don’t think a kid like me’d cramp your style. I’m fine with cussin’ (heh, bet you guessed!) so you wouldn’t have to watch your mouth or nothin’.

    I got chills when you said about the delete button. I may even have panicked some. I asked some of the others about it and they said she wouldn’t use it on me. Said she has files full of cut-out pieces. I hope they told me true.

    Drow’s got swords and you’ve got fire and magic, I think I got a bum deal. All I got is a toy my brother made me his own self, but I don’t reckon it has any powers nor nothin’.

    I’m gonna ask her about it later, see if she can’t imagine me up some cool skills or somethin’. Gotta wait for that second cup of coffee to go down first though. Ain’t gonna risk my life over it.

    – Cuss.


    • Cuss, You’re fine kiddo. Hang out with us and we’ll show you a thing or two. We even promise to try and get you back on time. Just whatever you do, DON’T POKE THE BEAR. You know her better than I do, so ease into the convo if you have to. I don’t wanna have to kick her ass for gettin’ rid of ya before I even to get hang out with ya. You seem like a cool kid. 😉



  3. Pingback: AbsoluteWrite February Blog Chain « J Elyzabeth's Blog

    • Thanks, I’ll pass your message on to the douche when she quits ignoring me. Suddenly she’s too damn busy for me. You should try the chain this month, it’s been very cathartic writing about that wench. Plus she lets me say whatever the hell I want and doesn’t delete anything. I’m sure someone on your end would love that chance.



  4. Love the snark all over this 😀 Part of me wants to read your heroine if she is written with as much spunk in your actual fantasy as she is here, and the rest of me is just laughing.


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